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        RIGHT NOW WE are waiting for Gela, the driving instructor. To drive a car in Georgia demands skills far beyond what western training can provide. So I went to the source of knowledge: Gela. He is due in a couple of minutes, and will receive proper Georgian treatment before the lessons: Food and wine. Then he arrives in a Lada from Hell. This car is the worst thing I have ever seen. And I have seen them all. He runs up the stairs to our apartment.

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Gaumarchos! Cheers! He raises his glass and makes a toast for all my ancestors, traffic in Tbilisi, and a dead friend. Then he starts the lesson by pointing out the ruling law of Tbilisi's traffic: The survival of the fittest. Gela drives a Lada from the 80's. He has prepared it himself and welded on some extra pedals on the passenger side. We go through basic driving principles, and after five glasses of wine we enter the car for our live-lesson. "I paid 150 dollars for this one", he smiles. And I understand, because there is not much other things than basic mechanics that actually works. "Why do you westerners always drive with lights on? Is it difficult to see the road in daylight in the west? Now shut off the lights, you only confuse the other drivers", he goes on. There's no safety belts, and we head for the main street.

Basic principles for driving a car in Tbilisi.
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There are no systems, and four or five lanes of traffic in different directions. "Now watch out for big shiny cars. Those people have most likely bought their driver's licence, and don't know shit about traffic. They also have more money than you, so if they hit you, you are in BIG trouble. Ok?" I nod, and try to avoid a minibus hanging on the horn as he squeezes the wreck between me and a Mercedes. Gela continues: "You should not drive against red lights if there are other cars around. If you decide to stop on red, you must look in the mirror first to make sure that the other drivers understand this. If not you might have on of those german imported Transits one mile up your ass in seconds." Gela is in a good mood:

The Kamikadze Situation.
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"You have noticed that most people in Georgia have surnames ending with -dze? Like Sjevardnadze, Gongadze and so on? Remember, in Tbilisi all drivers bare the name Kamikadze. "STOOOOOOOP"!!! Gela almost destroys the homemade spare pedals, and the car looses speed...slowly. "Now you drove on red light!!!" Yes, but I only followed the stream of cars", I defend my self. "Yes but major problem! Now you are in the car of a driving instructor, and everybody assumes that you are going to stop, right? Remember the big "L" on the back oft the car? So they plan how to drive past you WHEN you stop. Now you are creating a BIG mess here!" Okok..I start to get it. But I have to ask about this menace of a chaos: "How did it become like this? Paris is like a well organized playing field for children in comparison?" Gela looks at me and laughs frantically, then gets very serious. "Our dear Misha fired all the traffic police officers to get rid of corruption, and he has not hired new ones yet (this is in 2004), Then chaos. Right?

Georgian drivers in a nutshell.
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“I tell you an anecdote: There was this lady which was in a hurry to catch a flight to Moscow. She gets a tax, and asks the driver to step on it. In the first crossing the light was yellow. The woman reacted, and told him to take it easy. The next one he passed deliberately on read. She protested, but the driver just smiled and said he was one of the toughest drivers in Tbilisi. The third crossing showed green light, and he suddenly stop the car. Now what, It was green!!?? the lady protests. The driver looks in the mirror at the lady and replies: "I might be tough, but maybe not the toughest." Gela laughs terribly loud and put all his weight on the horn to get a goddamned pedestrian out of the way.

No driving today.
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The next day there is no driving lesson. Gela calls and says he ran into some friends, and now is too drunk. But he tells us to be more careful driving in Kutaisi. He has heard that they have started stealing the manhole covers in the streets to sell as metal scrap. "Hit one, and both you and the car are history. "Gaumarchos!!" And I thank him for that warning, because one week later I nearly hit such a whole trying to avoid a pig in the street.

UPDATE 2008
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Things have improved in Tibilisi. Lots of police keep stright control on the traffic and the streets have been repaired. Much of the dangerous situations occures when trying to avoid big holes in the streets. But on the high way nothing has improved. It's still extremely dangerous due to erratic driving in extreme speeds.